Christmas.......

I would like to share an experience that I had at work a few months ago. It seems especially applicable today.
At work I take care of very sick, sometimes very tiny little babies. One night a few months ago I was assigned to care for a tiny little boy, weighing just over 1 pound. He had been born about 16 weeks early. His hands were so tiny, his little leg was about as big around as my finger, his foot about the size of my thumb. About 50% of babies born this early survive. He had severe respiratory problems among other things and it was believed that he would not live through the night.
It is always a very tense situation when a baby is this sick. A quiet hush falls over the entire unit. There is increased pressure on everyone, especially the baby’s nurse and tonight that was me! The parents had been with their baby most of the day but they were exhausted. The mother having just given birth, couldn’t be with him all the time and so she had returned to her room to rest.
Because he was so ill and needed such intense care I didn’t have any other patients that night. I would at his side all night doing everything we could to keep him alive.
His private room contained the isolette, or incubator, monitors, ventilator, IV pumps, all the mechanical equipment that was keeping him alive. I would be busy with medications, monitoring, treatments, etc.
As the night worn on I tried to imagine how I would feel if I were his mother. The heartache would be unbearable. I knew she wanted to be with him, to spend every minute she could looking at his perfect little face, caressing his soft, delicate skin. But she couldn’t be there, only I was there.
It was overwhelming. I fought back the tears, trying to be professional. Nurses, especially NICU nurses, see death far too often and we need to be able to function without allowing emotions to cloud our judgment.
I wondered what I could do. This precious, innocent little spirit would soon be returning to his Father in Heaven. His life would be so short. I gently washed his face, touched his little hands and feet, gingerly changed and positioned him in a soft new blanket, trying to make him as comfortable as possible. What would his mother do? What would Heavenly Father want me to do?
Other than the sound of the machines, the room was quiet. I wondered if my little patient was afraid. When my children were little and afraid I sang to them, I Am a Child of God was their favorite. So, choking back the tears, I sang to him.
As a nurse when I looked at my patient I saw the tubes, the blood, counted the rise and fall of his chest, listened to the beating of his heart, watched the numbers on the monitors. But I also saw a perfect, celestial spirit, greater than myself and I wondered if I was worthy to care for him.
As the night progressed his health deteriorated. He developed a condition called DIC which caused him to bleed into his lungs, even his skin began to weep. My thoughts turned to my Savior. The suffering of my little, sinless patient reminded me of the suffering of our Savior and I wondered what it would have been like to care for The Christ when He suffered for us. What would I have done if I had been at His side in the Garden? Would I have wiped His brow, held His hand, sang to Him to comfort Him. I hope that I would have. I hope that I would have recognized the magnitude of that moment and offered all that I could, all that I had, to ease His suffering. In Luke we read that an angel did appear with Jesus and strengthened Him while he prayed in the Garden. What would it have been like to be that angel?
My little patient died in his mother’s arms later that morning.
I testify that the veil is very thin. I know when he passed through the veil he was welcomed home my His Savior, our Savior. I know Christ lives. He was born in Bethlehem. He walked this earth, half-mortal, half-God, showing us the way we should live. He felt pain, physical and spiritual pain, on our behalf and He did it because he loves us.
I grew closer to my Savior that night. I have a greater understanding of His suffering, His love for us, His love for me. I also was reminded, even surprised how much I love Him.
He asks us to be a little more kind, more gentle, more forgiving, more compassionate, to try to be more like Him. I pray that we will try, one day, one moment at a time.
May you feel the love of Christ in your life every day.
Merry Christmas